(From the April - June 2019 issue of VOX)
Back in days of yore, when I didn’t want to walk and it was a struggle to do so, Mr Feint Saint and I went to Paris for a weekend. We travelled on the metro to visit the Arc de Triomphe. When we got off the train, the escalator up to ground level was out of service and so the long staircase was my only option. I actually cried; wept like a spoilt child. And in front of a large number of Parisian commuters, shouted at Mr F-S how mean God was for doing this to me, when He knew how much I struggled with stairs.
I had a right old tantrum in the middle of a busy metro station as the beautiful people of Paris walked past me, doing effortless impressions of the angels going up and down Jacob’s ladder.
I was not in a good place in those days. Every stubbed toe, late bus, empty milk carton and missing phone charger was a sign of God’s indifference towards me. I was convinced He had taken His eye off me.
It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the authority of God. To surrender to His will, and say (while actually meaning it) that He does all things well. I can understand why some people think, “if there is a God, He’s just a mean old boss.” I get it; I used to believe it myself at one time.
Now I live in a state of mildly disgruntled peace and trust. I know I’m never going to be a famous author; though I love to write, I’m not good enough for the big leagues. So I trundle along, scribbling away in obscurity. Living in the UK, in the middle of all this Brexit stuff is worrying one minute, frustrating the next and bewildering all the times in between.
It seems no one really knows what will happen, or what will happen after what happens happens! I’m still trying to be as active as possible, keeping my weight off and trying to lose some more but I won’t ever be skinny.
Now you might say, “Hey, there Mrs Feint Saint, turn that frown upside down and have some faith woman.”
The thing is, I’m not frowning. I believe all things are possible but right here, right now, I’m accepting what is. This morning I heard someone share from Ephesians 3.
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20,21
Who’d have thought, as I shook my fist at the steps to the Arc de Triomphe, that one day I’d be fit enough to take them two at a time? Talk about more than I could ask or imagine. He is able: to make me a great writer, to fix the EU, to change me completely inside and out.
He is able to do all those things that are beyond our imagining. While we wait, I pray we have peace, patience and a prayerful heart for HIS will, in HIS time.
Annmarie Miles is originally from Tallaght and now lives in her husband Richard’s homeland, Wales. As well as VOX articles, she writes short stories, and is working on a book about her journey with food, weight gain, weight loss and God. Visit her blog at www.auntyamo.com. On Twitter she is @amowriting.